Yesterday, I am a year older.
Hell yeah. I am a year older and still, I don't know where the hell my life is leading into. I just realized that I still don't know what I want in life, and that a part of me has changed in the past year.
No, I'm not just talking about stretch marks (ugh! they're soooo ugly...) and having a baby (which is a good thing, hehe! excited mom here), but more of life goals and values. I feel so catatonic, lethargic, immobile. I don't know what I really would like to have and be in my life.
I've always wanted to succeed. I am the eternal optimist, the go-getter perky cheerleader who always want the best, and I always make sure that I always get what I want. But lately, I feel that somehow, somewhat, somewhere... I am suddenly lost.
Do I really know where I'm going to?
Honestly --- I DON'T. Some things have changed in my life for the past year. There were some good things, and of course there were some bad things. There are also the unexpected turns and curbs that I was not ready for and aware of, but rating it all in all, it was damn good. I may not know where the hell I am going, but I know I'll make it. I just need a little focus.
TOP TEN SIGNIFICANT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME FROM AUGUST 7, 2004 to AUGUST 7, 2005:
10. I broke up with Manolo. That's a good thing. Hehehe.
9. I resigned from my hellish job. Another good thing.
8. I made new friends, who proved to be worth keeping.
7. I made friends with the great ex... Barney. (Uyyy soulmate! Hehehe!!)
6. I bonded and got close with Jhana, an ex-enemy. Imagine that. We're friends now, as in.
5. I amusedly watched two of my close friends fall in love (Diba Raechie & Mikey? hehe.)
4. I unexpectedly fell in love... with Andre. He was just a friend back then. Oh well, as the song goes... Love moves in mysterious ways!
3. I did not expect Sweetie to love me back. But he did. And still holding on, inspite of everything. I just hope it's for real and for keeps.
2. I am finally in good terms with my mom! I just realized that she's a great mom, although there are really some times when I am itching to bite off her nagging tongue and skin her alive (Sorry, Ma... pero totoo to! Hehe!)
1. I am finally going to see my Little Sweetie sometime this September. My baby is the most precious gift I ever had on my birthday, and he will always be a reminder of how I once fell in love completely and gave my all (naks, andrama! Hehe.) Ryu is an unexpected bundle of joy, and I know that Andre and I will be facing more rough action (I hope in bed... cross fingers! haha.) in the future but Little Ryu Anakin will always be our source of strength & optimism.
To all of my friends who remembered to greet me and celebrate with me on my birthday: you know who you are! Thank you so much for making my day. You all rock my world! Life is never complete without good friends like you around!
To my sister and bestfriend, Mamei: I'm sorry for not having the time to visit you and talk to you about some things. We need catching up to do. Thanks for being there for me always, no matter what. I love you.
And to my Sweetie: Thank you for everything. Remember when I told you last night when we were having dinner that this was the best birthday I had in years? You asked me why. I wasn't able to give you any reason. But now I know why... because in the past years that I celebrated my birthday, you were not there for me yet. And this year (and in the coming years) I know that my birthday will always be happy with you and Ryu around. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. No gift can ever replace the one you gave me: Little Sweetie & your presence. Luv u.
Happy birthday, Mariko.
