Breakie (n.) a discussion of like minds and complementing personalities at a coffee shop, or restaurant; (v.) to share your dreams, problems, heartaches, embarrassing moments, etc. with crazy people.
Yesterday's breakie still lingers on my memory as I happily kill the ants crawling up and down my legs while typing (reminds me of Chase and his Kenneth Uy fantasies hehehe...). I really missed that insane council, and kudos to Leslie, Cherrie and Ate Arvee for finally taking the time for a breather. And yes, I needed a breather too -- even though I don't have dough to bake -- just to steer clear from the myriads of worries clouding my mind.
We had lunch at Gerry's in Park Square, and thanks to my office friends... they made me feel better about my condition. TO LESLIE: Thanks soooo much for taking the time to attend one of the breakie sessions and for accompanying me on the way home. Cherrie and Leslie told me I look good, thanks. I felt much better now, considering the fact that for the past few weeks I was burried in sweat and grime at home, dying with boredom. Being big and bloated really has its ups and downs. I really enjpy their company and it's just sad that I left them in the company, but at the same time I'm very happy for my batchmates because they made it to the top --- almost half of them are already "supervisors" and one is already in the Admin. Good Job, Batch 9!!
As usual, we talked about almost everything under the sun and what's the buzz in the office. At least I'm kept posted on what's happening. Sigh. I feel a wave of nostalgia and couldve-beens popping in my head. Enough said. We'll be seeing each other more, I hope!
By the way... I applied for a new job as an English Instructor Associate at some learning center. Pay is minimum, but it's better than nothing. I really hope I'd be able to make it, since little Ryu is due on September and I have to save, even though I dunno if I really like the job. But again, it's better than nothing.
Issue on tagboards:
Why is everybody trying to change the appearance of their blogs and missing out the tagboards? One example is Abie. Another one is Jem. (the bitch didn't even notify me of her new blogger address... if you read this, better notify me NOW). I asked Abie why (posting the message on the comment corner, of course) and she replied (on my tagboard, how ironic) that she got tired because of anonymous postings. Yeah, she has a point. Should I consider deleting mine too?
Think. Think. Think.
This day is average, although I felt something wrong with Sweetie. Curt text messages, no hint of sweetness. Am I missing out something? What did I do wrong? Hello, talk about progesterone making me extra paranoid?
And then... I figured out. I told him yesterday that IF he has the time to go out, he can check my e-mail for me. Apparently, he already did coz I checked my mail just now. Horror of horrors... the American Playmate messaged me. And so did my ex. Maybe that explains it... geez. That means that he READ my messages, marked them as unread. And he never reported them to me. Where's the trust? No, Mariko... YOU always blow up that trust. Just when it's strating to be ok. I hope I'm wrong.
Mariko, you're messing up again. Don't fuck up now.
Little Ryu is rumbling inside my tummy. Feels funny, though. But I can't laugh, not now, when realizations dawns upon me once more...
I screwed up and it feels not so good.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Wild World
Yeah, baby it's really a wild world.
Haven't written here since I resigned from that company, which is approximately a month from now. Who would? I mean, the computer has been a mess, not to mention that I mess up my life too for the past few weeks. But here's the good side --- I've been staying with Sweetie and we're living in together until God knows when. Maybe up until the baby is born, or longer than that... but I'm not really hoping. I just savor the moment.
What did I learn?
That L-I-F-E is how you make it. And if you decide to BS your way into it, you really end up in a bunch of shit and screw up your asshole. Moral of the story: clean up your mess before the flies swarm into it.
That Sweetie is a nagger. Ho-hum. He likes to nag about a lot of things --- from messy rooms to disobedient siblings, a carefree father and a munchkin little brother. Although I'm starting to know more about him, I don't think that I'm really turned off. IN fact, I loved him more because of his flaws and unpretentiousness. But in fairness, he's really sweeeeet. Makes my knees turn into jelly. But hey-ho... Sweetie's a little tough like me. And way to damn stubborn. Like me.
I really dunno what to expect out of this relationship. Sometimes I wonder, if things had been different, would we end like this? Good side of the story: YIPEE!! He tells me he loves me. I believe him, but a part of me is still hesitant to accept it. Maybe because I'm just being cautious not to give my all, but I know that somehow, I would. Ironically, when things get frustratingly confusing, I just hold on to the fact that I know that he loves me. I love him, too.
That my mom is the most unexplained woman this earth has ever given birth to. No need to further explain.
That it's sooooo depressing to be a bum. That BS pharma company didn't give me any more updates of whether they'll accept a preggy model like me or what. Out of good faith, I told them that I am expecting my Little Sweetie sometime this year. And the usual palusot: We'll let you know. Well, I'll let YOU know, bummers --- you'll never find someone as smart and dedicated and competitive as me, and it's a shame you've let go of a big fish! 'Nuf said.
Where am I going?
None. Still don't know. But I'm hoping that after I see my little angel in September, I'll straighten out my life. Regrets have no space for me. I have to move on.
C'est la vie.
Haven't written here since I resigned from that company, which is approximately a month from now. Who would? I mean, the computer has been a mess, not to mention that I mess up my life too for the past few weeks. But here's the good side --- I've been staying with Sweetie and we're living in together until God knows when. Maybe up until the baby is born, or longer than that... but I'm not really hoping. I just savor the moment.
What did I learn?
That L-I-F-E is how you make it. And if you decide to BS your way into it, you really end up in a bunch of shit and screw up your asshole. Moral of the story: clean up your mess before the flies swarm into it.
That Sweetie is a nagger. Ho-hum. He likes to nag about a lot of things --- from messy rooms to disobedient siblings, a carefree father and a munchkin little brother. Although I'm starting to know more about him, I don't think that I'm really turned off. IN fact, I loved him more because of his flaws and unpretentiousness. But in fairness, he's really sweeeeet. Makes my knees turn into jelly. But hey-ho... Sweetie's a little tough like me. And way to damn stubborn. Like me.
I really dunno what to expect out of this relationship. Sometimes I wonder, if things had been different, would we end like this? Good side of the story: YIPEE!! He tells me he loves me. I believe him, but a part of me is still hesitant to accept it. Maybe because I'm just being cautious not to give my all, but I know that somehow, I would. Ironically, when things get frustratingly confusing, I just hold on to the fact that I know that he loves me. I love him, too.
That my mom is the most unexplained woman this earth has ever given birth to. No need to further explain.
That it's sooooo depressing to be a bum. That BS pharma company didn't give me any more updates of whether they'll accept a preggy model like me or what. Out of good faith, I told them that I am expecting my Little Sweetie sometime this year. And the usual palusot: We'll let you know. Well, I'll let YOU know, bummers --- you'll never find someone as smart and dedicated and competitive as me, and it's a shame you've let go of a big fish! 'Nuf said.
Where am I going?
None. Still don't know. But I'm hoping that after I see my little angel in September, I'll straighten out my life. Regrets have no space for me. I have to move on.
C'est la vie.
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