On the Brink of Tears and other Stories

Boring day.

I miss my Sweetie so much, he went to his final (cross fingers!) interview for Merck Sharpe & Dohme and would go straight to school to finish the intro part of his paper. I'm here alone stuck in my room, with strict instructions from the doc not to move away from the bed. Bedrest really sucks. I hope he's with me right now so at least BEDREST would be more fun hehehe... oh well.

What I did today...
Not much, surfed the net and then decided to update my blog --- for Pete's sake it's been how many days since I did that?! Oh anyway I decided to upload new photos in Friendster (check it out haha!) and change my profile just for the kicks. I also dropped by a newfound friend's blog and read it... I can actually relate to her! I think we're on the same line of thinking and I can't wait to meet her. Small world, actually. She knows one of our business partners in Cebu.

On the brink of tears...
Yes, blame it on whatever hormones are eating me up (is it progesterone or estrogen? I'm just very positive it's not testosterone heheheh!!) but I'm often on the brink of tears for silly and small reasons.
Like what?
Like friendship. Yeah I know it's not a very god reason to cry unless you fall in love with your gay bestfriend who steals your boyfriend from you, but the main reason I cried (again) today is because of friendship. I was just touched by some divine light from heaven that's why I cried.
Friends, as they say, come and go. There are the old ones, the new ones. Those hard to find and hard to keep, and those easy to find and still hard to keep. There are those who are hard to find and easy to keep, easy to find and easy to keep. I have friends that fall in each and every category there is in "FRIENDSHIP", and believe me, Friendster cannot really contain and define them all.
There's this particular friend I would like to thank... I've known her for some time now, but we never really get the chance to talk a lot and bond because the timing was just not right. From the stories that I've heard about her, I know she's a good person and from the way she writes about things I know she's got the brains. I just wish I've taken the time to know her better and bond together because she is one of the most precious people in our life (Sweetie & me). Abie, thanks so much for everything. For taking care of Andre when I was not yet there in his life and for offering unconditional friendship. For the good memories you left with him that he shares with me. For continuously supporting him regardless of what. For the times that he needed someone to confide to, you were there to listen and give advice. For being wacky and smart... I like reading about your blog. For being an idealist, who never stops believing and giving us the guts to go for the pot of gold (even if sometimes the rainbow is nowhere to be seen). For being Abie, thanks so much.
We might not have taken the chance to really sit and talk... more of really hi's & hello's. I never really had the chance to tell you that I like you (as a friend... puede din hardcore lesbo action if you're open to it, hehehehe!!) and that you're one of the kindest and smartest peeps I know. Thanks for everything. Thanks for being a part of our lives. Thanks for being Ryu Anakin's cool ninang (turuan mo na lang magyosi yung anak ko pag uwi mo hehehe!).
I just want you to know that you are appreciated.
I wish we can take the time to stop and smell the roses together soon. I know we'd be painting the town red together.
Keep on posting, girl!

And for all of my friends out there... space is not enough to tell you how much I love you all. Thank you so much for being my friends and being a part of me. YOu all rock my world!

Afternoon Delight...

Gonna find my sweetie, gonna hold him tight
And we're gonna have some afternoon delight...

I just figured out my world revolves around him lately, and this is not good... er... maybe.

We didn't have any arguments today, this is amazing! He went here lunchtime, I cooked lunch for him and we spent the day watching DvDs, planning on things and eating (that also includes eating each other, harharhar!)

Yes, I'm quite happy today. I've had my fill on sweet stuff, including him.

Milestones for the day: Not much. We didn't argue, and that's a good sign. He's better at understanding me now. My lubes are back to normal (hehehehe...) and we had a road test a while ago, nyahahhahaa!!!

I'm really quite excited for Friday. Raechie and the gang are coming over for a visit and some small talk. I'm looking forward to meeting them, it's been quite sometime since we last saw each other and I really miss those guys. Especially that Mommy Patt is not doing great, now is the time to have some breakie! Ate Tin will be coming over too, and this is surely a blast. I hope Chase, Leslie, Arvee and Mommy Arl can come too because if they do, I'm gonna throw a party. Big business coming up, haha.

To sum it all up:

Today, I am happy.

I am happy because...

Sweetie came over and we spent the day together.
My lubes are back to normal, it's gonna be one helluva ride up until September mwahahaha.
Sweetie received a message from Merck Sharpe & Dohme, asking him to come for an interview. Finally, a prospective job for mi amour!
I cooked lunch, though if my doc knows about it, she'll really disapprove.
I ate a lot.
My dad was nice to me.
Sakura didn't bother me.
My mom bought me pastries from Delifrance.
I found potential business partners.
I got an inspiring tagboard message from Abie. (Hey girl, if you can read this.. thanks. Means a lot.)
I made a new friend in Cebu.
Sweetie kissed me a lot. We kissed a lot. I like kissing.
I realized there's a lot more to "BEDrest". Hehe.
I'm actually liking not going to work (uh-oh...)
I'm going to bed pretty early and feeling ok (THIS IS A MILESTONE, considering the horrible experiences I'm going through)
God still loves me.

I just realized that happiness is just around the corner if I look for it. True happiness is learning to accept what's going on around you and appreciating the simple things in life.

Someone asked me just now: "Are you happy?
I told her, "Sometimes."
"Why 'sometimes'?"
"I'm happy sometimes --- like now, this is a rare occasion. Only sometimes... because if I'm happy most of the time, I'd never appreciate happiness as it is."

Hey, at least I'm still alive. I still live, love and give. Somebody still lives, loves and gives for me. That's enough reason to be happy.

Wish it could go on like this forever though.

God Save the Baby

And also, the queen who carries the baby in her tummy.

Just saw my doctor today, Sweetie accompanied me. My tummy still hardens and aches, and mee oh my oh, this is really a tough pregnancy. Confined to the bed, yes I am. Prisoner of my own house, of my own parents, of my own world, of my own life. I'm so fuckin' depressed again... well, not that depressed anymore but still... I am.

Milestones for the day: None. Save for some cuddling and smoochfest with the sweetheart and the shocking news...a friend was just abandoned (is this the correct term?) by her husband, and I can't help but cry. This is not over reacting, as Sweetie insisted, but more of being sympathetic. I just can't imagine her being left by her hubby with their two lovely daughters. I cried because I felt her pain (hey, I'm a woman too!) and I just thought that "What if it happened to me?". Good God, I cannot bear the thought, so I shunned it away. Sweetie might have sensed it, so he assured me. Lots of hugs and kisses. Lots of tickles. But not enough to really shun the bad feeling away.

I feel bad and sorry for that friend. We never had the chance to talk a lot and bond together while I was still at my previous job, but she's such a sweet and nice lady and I'm just very thankful to have her around. Maybe, this is the chance to finally reach out and talk about things. She's one of the kindest people I know, and she doesn't deserve to be treated this way! Not by anyone, not even her husband. As a woman, I know the hurts and the pains of being turned away by the one you love the most (and the one who loved you the most). How many times did I have that feeling? The pain, the misery, the heavy emotions deep down that scar your soul. I never wanted to venture into that dimension anymore. And I don't want any of the people close to me to wander into that, too.

But you cannot prevent what happens to you, or the people around you. Call it destiny, fate or karma... but that is what life is made of.

The only way to fight is to be strong. Acknowledge your weakness and move on.

Seize the day, for tomorrow, we die.