Break Away

From having goosebumps to teary eyes, I realized one thing.
The best gift of time is taking it slow, without any expectations at all. To expect something in return would only harvest you further disappointments, and not to mention heartaches. Moral of the story: Let it be, let it be. Whatever will be, will be. There is a time and a season for everything, don't rush into things.

What are you most afraid of.
Just the other day, before our San Pablo stint, Blowfish finally confirmed my fears of a recent premonition. The "rival" and her bf finally called it quits, and what did little Miss Pink Panty do? Cried, yelped, panicked and cried some more. I even shed a couple of tears in the lockers, thanks to my imaginary friend Raechie and my gay boyfriend Chase who comforted me with words of encouragement. "Lahat ng tao tanga, Angge. Sige kung diyan ka magpapakasaya sa pagiging tanga, then go!" Thanks, Chase. I love my gay boyfriend. Always there to give me the oompph and the lift when I'm down. And yes, my dear... don't worry because I am happy with being stupid. I didn't tell them though the reason why I was crying. Only Blowfish knew... the era of Miss Pink Panty is close to its end. Hello, Judgement Day!

Lovesick Daisy.
Finally, Maier has added the final touches to her blog, kudos to you, girl! I miss my sister so much, and we don't have the time to shop and smoke and have coffee and annoy people together anymore, huhuhu... We still have a pending Red Box gig, and I sure am looking forward to it! Read her blog, and a line there touched me: "I am not going to be a lovesick daisy anymore". Way to go, girl! You're right, WE shouldn't be lovesick daisies anymore. WE should continue to live on our own, without thinking about those fuckin' boys who made us cry. And yeah, quit the Rockstar thing. He's not worth you at all. As for me... maybe I should stop being a lovesick daisy, but for the meantime, let me indulge in some more bittersweet chocolate cake before I finally lick off the icing from my fingers.

Cleaning the clutter.
Last Tuesday I cleaned my room and my closet and discovered the clutter that has evolved into trash. Symbolic of my cluttered life, yeah. So I cleaned 'em out and finally organized my closet, thank God. Bye bye Fruit Salad (I call my closet Fruit Salad because my clothes are REALLY disoriented, believe me). It felt so good, seeing that my room is clean and my clothes arranged neatly. I have discovered long-lost mementos from College and pictures of ex-boyfriends. How I miss my College friends... wish I'm back in school. Wish I could live my life again so I would be able to straighten out some things and issues. But well, no regrets. I only regret the things that I didn't do, but for all the things I have done, I loved them all.

Haircut.
Got a haircut and think it suits me, but how I miss my long, wavy hair. Oh well, at least they don't give me a hard time anymore whenever I give a blow job, haha.

The Sweetie, The Purple Dino and Mr M.
To all of you, you fools... I am starting to reorganize my life and you are the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to me. It started with The Purple Dino, then along came Mr M and now the culmination is with The Sweetie. You broke my heart, cheated on me and made me cry. I broke your heart, cheated on you and made you cry. We're just quits. Life is a foolish game, and if you gamble and lost, then play again. I finally mastered the art of holding back, and this time, I assure you... the next time I will love again, I'm gonna make sure it will last.
And no, the issue with The Sweetie isn't through yet. But like I told Blowfish, I am savoring it as long as it is here because my era is soon coming to its end. Damn. Why do I have psychic powers?

The Elements.
We went to San Pablo with Blowfish and Carlo and swam in a man-made ice-cold pool. And that was where I realized that I can discover my Path once again. I was a lost sheep, and now I am back in the business. Hail to thee, hail to thee! I was too caught up in my own world and materiality that I forgot who I am and what I was here for. Spirit has a way with things, and I am so thankful that I was there. I did not only get the chance to spend quality time with my friends and with myself, but it made me a stronger and calmer person. Om Shanti.

Dynastic Cycle.
And if my era is ending soon, I am not thinking more of it. I am creating my own fears and feeding it with all my negativity. Think of light, think of beauty, think of love. I work magic with my thoughts, and if I think more that it will happen, then it will be. Just be positive, and everything will turn out right. If he is not for me, then let him go. Some soul is out there to complete you. And life is just like that. We go round and round in circles. The only way to break free is to learn from your mistakes and move on. Live like there is no tomorrow. And then, break away.

Baby Girl...

He asked me if --- take note --- IF I already had sex with "him".
And this, my dear friends, is a bird's eye view of how Mr M thinks. My blog has finally robbed him of his senses and slowly poisoned his already vile blood and mind! Two syllables, baby: Ha. Ha. He was referring to "him" as The Sweetie of course... and up until now I never told him who The Sweetie is. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction, yaadaadaa!!
Honey, if you are reading this, I just wanted you to know that you are not the only man who can pump your dick into my hole and then do the pumping up until I'm high and dry. Nope, siree... you may be the best neck kisser and pussy licker that I had ever known since The Purple Dino (another ex bf, by the way...) but I'm gonna tell you this: I can now compare notes, bwahaahahaha! And I can tell you where YOU exactly score and stand in my red diaries. Scandalized? Shocked? Read on.

Ever since you asked me if I already did it with "him", I really felt so low and degraded. And happy and elated. A mixture of all of them, so to say. Jealous, huh? Yo, Mr M... I'm going to make your bulging eyes finally pop out from their lids and your pus-laden leg dry out with my erotic story. Curious? Read on.
(Note: to the reader who is not Mr M, if you are scandalized please do not continue reading. Well I know you'd read anyway... okay BUT I WARNED YOU, no regrets.)

Where do you want me to start? How about the time when he fingered me in our living room, underneath the pillows, while my whole clan and him were watching a music video by Kitchie Nadal? Nice soundtrack, baby.
And remember that time when we were browsing through photo albums up in my room and then we just did it and I swallowed your cum? Did it feel good? Yeah, so he told me... but this time it's not in my room, but in his room while his brother is sleeping. Beat that.
Sex on the beach? We did it... a couple of times when we were out there. Dogstyle, missionary... whatever you can name those shit. And we had a cold glass of martini afterwards. Yum.
The Sweetie likes it when I give him a head, so off I go... even when he is attending to a case (I'm just there, underneath the table, sssshhhh...) and while he is driving. Classic. But... he gives me one too, so that's even.
Pumping? Well Honey... he's like you as well. Pumps hard and fast and slow and sensual... and the good thing about him, like you, is that he doesn't cum fast. Which is good... and bad... because there was one time when I shouted YOUR name and not his. I remembered you, fuck you. It should've been HIS name, not YOURS that I should be moaning. Oh well, old habits die hard. I just made up for it by kissing him intensely. The same ol' Mariko tricks.
But one thing's for sure, I assure you: your dick is more normal than his. His is bigger and pinkish. And bent. Looks like a weird banana. You don't wanna believe me? I'm gonna show you the pics, come over here at my place.
Speaking of pics... you think you're the only one who can make a homemade video of the UST-CSB Scandal that we once produced? Sorry, but we were able to make one as well. And this time, it's kinkier, more fun and we have still shots. And I am assuring you again: this time, it's not gonna get lost! I'm gonna give you a free copy when we're through with it. We still have 60 more minutes to shoot, and we're thinking of filming our Boracay escapade. How's that? Another UST-CSB Scandal, but this time, it's part two and it's meaner. HA HA!

Am I getting into your nerves? Wanna know more? Naaaaahhh... I'm gonna save my grilling for another time. I don't want you to have a heart attack... lest it be charged against my conscience. I'm still your baby girl ne? But I could be your bitchy ex-gf too.

I told you, come back to me. I'm gonna show you the new tricks I learned.

Kissing 2004 Goodbye

Flirt Flirt Flirt!!

Happy New Year! Another year to live by...
And as what I have previously disclosed, I spent New Year's Eve at the office, with a headset pinning my ears to my head. I felt disappointed, unexcited and extremely anxious as the clock struck twelve and everybody was like wishing each other a happy new year. As if we'd have one, sigh. I'm still not soooo over with my love life, as it continuously drives me to the brink of insanity. Where the hell am I supposed to be in this year? Still another wanderer, indulging in my wanderlust and wandering in the vast expanse of dating (and mating). For short --- I am still at a lost.
Okay, so I have a job, I have friends and I have a so-called bf... or so I think. Whatever. The past few days before New Year have been tremendously stressful for me, considering that: a.) My Mom and I fought again. What's new... we always do. It's New Year and we're not on speaking terms. b.) I'm still in the confused stage with The Sweetie, although he's been acting reallllyyyy weird lately, but I don't really want to assume. I'm on the process of really hating him. Really. c.)Starfish is getting herself into some mess and I think I'm gonna be next. d.) I'm planning on moving out of my parents' house because they really are driving me nuts and I don't want them to find out that I'm "on the way" and I am so short of cash. And that's reason number five. Or Letter E. Whichever comes first.
Watched the fireworks from our office and can't help thinking of jumping out of the window. I was joking Leslie to come with me and commit suicide as the revelry starts at midnight... Mart just laughed and said it's really a Japanese thing, but deep down inside I AM FUCKING SERIOUS. Lately, I feel unhappy and unloved and taken for granted by people. I'm just paranoid, maybe. Or maybe I'm so damn right. It's so hard to be always on the giving end.
Giving what? Giving love that is unrequitted, giving everything for every thing that would not guarantee me anything at all. Giving unconditionally my self to someone whom I don't think will ever love me --- presently, or in the future. I think that I am just a toy. A fucking toy, a little dress-me-up-doll you can play with then leave anywhere when you're tired. Life is really hard, and it becomes harder every time. What keeps me surviving is the hope that someday, somehow... everything will be alright. And just how I wish.
The problem is with me. I know. I'm just too complicated, and I like to make my life as complicated as me. And I run too deep and careless and self-sacrificing and too emotional. And of course, I always end up being hurt. For the past year, there have been so many things that happened to me --- things that shaped my understanding of life and my future for this year. It's been one helluva year... and I loved it so well, even though some things didn't turn out right, but for me... every thing was great. Things happened for a reason, and to teach me valuable life lessons. Lessons like not playing with people's emotions and karma is just around. Friends come and go, and only the good and true ones remain. Love is never enough to stay in a relationship, and although it hurts a lot you have to sacrifice and let go. It's not easy loving somebody who doesn't love you back, and if you do, then it's true love. Familiarity breeds too much contempt. Always use protection when having sex coz you'll never know when the stork will visit you. You can tell a guy's thoughts and feelings about you when you kiss him. Etc. Etc.
But what is the best thing I learned so far?
Live, love, give and live again. Lifes too short to waste on unimportant matters, so grab every opportunity you can get. Carpe diem. For tomorrow, we die.
And I'll be kissing 2004 goodbye, with tears, heartaches, smiles and joys of all my life.
Hello, 2005.
Happy New Year.