False Teeth and Fake Smiles

Smile?

I finally decided to make my fonts bigger, and my smile meaner.

And all because they were complaining that they are too small to read on the office computer. Yeah, damn my office coz they have MAC computers and flat LCD screens --- no wonder, we, the humble employees, are like this. No need to elaborate.

Today, I smiled again. Last night's dream was a blast. Final Fantasy meets Sailormoon --- Hentai version, starring yours truly. Don't laugh, I am NOT allowing any kind of disrespect while you are browsing through this sacred page and my beautiful, dimwit twin is staring at you with her perfect smile. Try if you can, or you'll be dead meat.

Back to smiling.

Yes, I smiled again today. Not the usual half-crazed half-half smile I have, but this time it's more genuine... all because of the perfect dream I had, reminiscent of old charms and lost innocence. It made me smile because I know what it is all about --- a prophetic vision of the not-so distant past and the future, boiling down to one thing: deception. When I woke up, I figured it right away that the kiss he gave me in my dream was in fact, the same kiss that Judas gave Jesus. No, I am not trying to say I am as kind-hearted and pure as Jesus is. All I'm trying to say is that I'm getting more and more sensible each day. I finally decided to make my smile mean. And meaner.

To flash my not-so pearly whites and grin like a Cheshire cat is not the ultimate reality. Reality is: I am bound to be deceived in the end, and playing my game is like playing their game. I'm not going to be on the losing end, boys. Reality is telling me that if I don't stop, I'll get hurt. Just like what it did to me how many years, how many months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds and milliseconds ago. And again, just as what I am barking back to Reality: I am not stopping. Not even if I already know that I am destined to fall.

I must admit. I, yours truly, am keeping two guys. Again, yes. But this time, it's different. Guy # 1 is an ex-boyfriend who I'm still in love with on days when I feel like it (like today). He is the recent bf whom I dumped not so long ago and was seriously deciding IF I'm still taking him back or no. Yesterday, I decided NO. This morning, I decided YES. But when I let him know --- he shunned me. The nerve!! If you are reading this, huney... Hindi ka kaguwapuhan noh. Hindi ka rin kawalan pero ewan ko... I still love you siguro. Maybe you're right. WE need some space to grow. I hate it when you do this to me. I know, I drove you crazy, but please don't drive me more insane. I don't want to end up in Ward 11.

There you go. His text messages still haunted me. I have nothing else to do, but smile. A mean mean mean smile.

Guy # 2 is a prospect. I don't really love him, methinks I'm just attracted because we are on the same page, and we share the same wavelength. There are times when I feel something for him but it's more of a challenge than of a commitment. We have sparks, yes. But these sparks are sometimes imaginary. I know that he likes me too. But there are always buts and what-ifs. I'm looking forward to the day when I'll get that BIG BIG CHANCE to prey on him. Prey, as in PREY. Go for the hunt, you wild mama! The only big question is how to deal with him after that. Should I go for the romance? Or should I keep the friendship?

He was the essence of my dream last night. And I know... he is my Judas, my Brutus, my traitor. But what the heck? I'll smile again. And this time, it's meaner.

Save the toothpaste for me. I need it to zap my zit.