Out of Town Trips

The Gang's on the loose...

Bringing back those good ol' out of town memories...
And me clutching onto that red wine like holding for dear life. My oh my! What could be better on days like this (you know, when you're bumming around the house, waiting for something to happen) than to browse through your hard disk and find these pics stashed somewhere in the computer's memory? Harhar. Save the last glass for me.

I just remember those days when the gang ( Blowfish and the "boyfie", me and the... erhmm.. friend ) used to have those mini out-of-town gigs which always turn out to be some sort of overnight escapades. A good way of de-stressing and hieing off away from the non-stop calls. We would have fun together, go somewhere different, stop at gas stations to grab something to eat then pose for the camera to say hi and capture those moments. YEah, believe me... Kodak would run out of business if we say "cheese"... I just miss those days.

I can't find anything nice (nice???) and meaningful to do today, except to bum around the house, wait for my Mom to scream the magic words at me, and take care of my little munchkin (who is, by the way, hovering like a crazy Mohican in the sala). SO here I am, eager and decided to update my blog -- finally. I still have hang-ups from HIS last night's visit (you DEFINITELY know who I'm talking about, ne?) and don't forget the kisses and the warm hugs and soft cuddles and the passionate lovemaking in-between. I was, again, tempted to tell him that I love him (what?? I now do?? -- Yes, you do...) but, as always, I shut up. This is not yet the right time, the voice in my head tells me. But yet, another little voice keeps telling me that I tell him now. It's now or never.

Whatever.

For the meantime, I wouldn't think about it yet. He may not tell me, but I can feel it.

And yes, I sneaked again today. I hacked into his account and read messages from his Great Ex. Great, Mariko. Just great. And yes, I cried. Ignorance is indeed bliss. I shouldn't have done it. Curiosity killed the cat. I always do that --- and it's me who cries in the end, reprimanding myself for being such a snoop, and scolding myself endlessly for being such a sentimental little fool. Yes, I know that past is past... but... well how do I put it? I was just not ready. Not ready to see those messages that still haunt me, echoing through my eyes and ears like a maniac playing his Violin with a strange technique. Opus of the Demons.

And those demons are still mine.

They always are my demons, and I cannot exorcise them out of my system. Not yet. I just wanted to know where I stand, and where I'd go next before I finally extinguish the flames of hell that are torturing me madly, deeply.
Those messages still sting, and I know that I could never compare to his Great Ex, and can't help thinking if he looks at me the way he looked at her... if he would say the same to me if I go and leave, the same thing that he told her. If he would love me as much as he loved her, or even more... or am I just another lovesick fool with a bitter heart and a weary soul, trying to find salvation in the arms of a not-so-sure-I'm-still-on-a-rebound man?

Here I go again with my musings. It's a bright sunny day today.. I should be out prancing and dancing in the sunshine... but here I am, stuck in my room, thoughts swimming through my head.

This is not good for my little sweetie. Where are you Yang? I need a chocolate bar and lots of assurance.